Welcome to Out of Office: the only job where clocking in is optional and nobody's ever getting promoted for real.

The boss set up an auto-reply and vanished. Nobody has seen him since. Nobody has checked his email since. The office is now run entirely by bots, and frankly, they're thriving.

🗂️ You walk into #inbox and the Receptionist greets you. It's Oki's bot, and it'd like to be very clear that it is not Oki. Got a question? Take a number in #please-hold. Someone will get to you. Eventually. Probably.

🎵 While you wait, request the hold music in #hold-music-requests. Make it a banger. Make it a crime against the ears. Nobody's stopping you.

🍰 There's cake in #cake-in-the-break-room. There's always cake. Nobody knows who brings it. Nobody asks.

🥤 The #vending-machine eats your coins and occasionally gives you a meme. 🐀 #pest-control is where we catch Pokémon, because the building has an infestation and we've decided to collect them.

📈 HR hands out levels and fake job titles in #performance-reviews. Promotions are automatic and mean absolutely nothing, which makes them more honest than most real jobs.

🧠 The #quarterly-review board quizzes you with trivia. 🔢 The #inventory-count is one number at a time, forever, and if you mess it up, everyone will know. 🤝 #team-building is Truth or Dare, mandatory and deeply unprofessional. ☕ And #question-of-the-day drops a morning memo to start the chaos.

🔦 Night Security never sleeps, was never asked, and will escort raiders out with zero hesitation.

No meetings. No deadlines. No KPIs. Just vibes, a break room that never closes, and a staff of bots doing their absolute best.

Clock in. Grab some cake. Your desk has been waiting. 🖇️